Meet Joe Bloggs

Hiya Joe,

I know you've got an interview for junior developer lined up next week with someone called Lexia McGubbin - I've seen the CV too (and I'm sure that modelling swimwear has nothing to do with her being short-listed). I'm sure you've got it all under control but I wouldn't be doing my job as hr if I didn't remind you of some guidelines, so treat this as a friendly reminder:

It's OK to give some kind of work-related test. Making a cup of tea does not count as a work-related test, even for junior coders.

You cannot ask about: martial status, her taste in men, religion, politics or modelling swimwear. You can ask about education, software methods she's used, programming language, previous experience (technical experience!!!).

There is no dress-code for interviews. Especially not one that specifies short skirt and high heeled boots.

Please make sure that she's treated with courtesy at all times. That means no leering, risqué humour or robust comments of any kinds, especially not from Alison.

I'm sure this is old news to you. Oh, and keep her away from the rest of the team - we can't afford another embarrassing court case.

Pam

Kevin,

Thank's for sending me the test you've knocked up for Lexia's interview. It's pretty good, especially the bit where you ask her to enter her mobile number, encrypt it to file, open an FTP connection and transfer it to your hard disk. You're right, it does test a lot of good coding skills, but I've decided to substitute something a little simpler which doesn't involve her divulging personal info.

Also, can you make sure that your novel has been deleted from the network. I appreciate that the Sperminator is a work of cult fiction, but I'm worried about getting us raided by obscene publications.

Cheers,

PS No, there was no photo supplied with the CV. The picture that Phillip's got on his machine is something he ripped off a web page and dicked around with using Photoshop.

Joe,

I really like the sound of this girl. As the only other female on the team I'd like to offer to mentor her. There's space in my flat for her to sleep over too. She sounds really nice. I've bought a box of chocolates and I'd like to arrange for a delivery of flowers before the interview.

Alison

Thanks for the reminder, Pam. And the follow up phone call and the documentation. It's all under control. Alison is fine and rumours that's she's fallen for Lexia in a big way are just a wind-up. Alison's fine. The medication is doing her good and I think that there'll be no need for Lucy to renew that injunction.

All the best,

Joe

Joe,

Can I sit in on the interview? I think Lexia's going to be a bit nervous. I don't mind some hand holding if it'll help her. Please?

Alison

Kevin,

Cheers for forwarding the latest chapter of the Sperminator. It is very different. I'm not really qualified to talk about literature, but you're right it's more interesting than a lot of XML books. I'm sure it is as good as Iain Banks, though I don't really remember his stuff being quite so graphic.

I'm glad it's off your hard disk and the file servers, but it's now on the mail server instead. Get it off. Now.

Joe

Joe,

Please call me to talk about Alison. I think we need to have this interview off site.

Pam

Joe,

Please call me to talk about Pam. I think we need to have this interview off site. My flat's close by.

Alison

Boss man,

Look at this cool graphic of me and Sexy Lexy on Bondi beach!

Phil

Phil,

You've never met Lexia. You've never been to Bondi beach. You no longer have Photoshop installed on your machine.

Just to let you all know that Lexia McGubbin has pulled out of the interview. She did a bit of surfing last night and discovered that we're still running off a COBOL back-end. Thanks but no thanks was the gist of it. It's back to the CVs again folks.

Joe

Joe,

Forget the CVs. The Boss was on the phone just now. He's got a nephew who sounds right for this job. I've booked the interview for tomorrow at 9:30, so please try to make it. No CV I can send you, but he's an academic high-flier who's just graduated with a First in Palaeontology at Oxford. Loves computers, apparently.

See you tomorrow.

Pam